I learnt how awkward me keeping quiet has actually turn out. (I'm sorry friend for staring out of the bus on the way home, please don't unfriend me lol.)
So comfortable silence me, is starting to learn how to break out of conversing only with myself in my head to having conversations with actual people.
It is really difficult to bring texting into talking because texting allows you to think as long as you can before actually responding and most of the time the "Clear" button is so conveniently located there for you to erase things that don't seem right but words that are spoken, you find it really hard to take back.
And you can't really sit in front of the person for half an hour trying to figure out what to say.
"Hahahahaha" and "LOL" also serves no purpose in real life.
That's why I guess I'm making baby steps talking to people closest to me. And I have to say my first ever (in a long time) sit-down-and-chat turned out scary and comforting at the same time. Actually after we parted ways to go home, I still couldn't put words to what I had just experience. Having a meal with a friend and just chatting about things that WERE NOT just rubbish.
Most of the time table talk is easy if it surrounds "So what you wanted to share with us? What did you do over the weekends? What did you eat last week? Oh, I saw that dress you bought, where did you get it? "
But this time, semi opening up to a friend I realised, talking requires a lot of effort and a sincere heart. And after the talk I realised I don't actually know this person before me although we spent more than a decade as friends. Communication is really an important tool in every friendship and after that talk, I felt scared because this was an all new experience for me.
It's like opening up the book (story) of my life and letting someone read everything. It's truly left me vulnerable but at the same time, it felt so comforting to know there is someone who is curious to know the story of my life.
I don't trust people easily because to me everyone has a motive but my friend, I have to say, you are one of the first few to step onto the front porch of my heart and I'm sure one day I would invite you in for some tea (:
After that talk, the next day it was much easier opening up to the "Coffee Gang" which comprises of Vivien, Jing Jing and Lobbie. These three people have somewhat woven onto my front porch and are there to stay. When you ask me one year ago if I would ever imagine being close with these three people I would most definitely stare at you weirdly and ask what's with the question.
But I guess God works in really amazing ways. Who would have known I would grow close to these people who I have somewhat a previous sketched connection to but now its like we are all tied together with twine that never breaks. We talked about school, life and about our spiritual lives. And I have to say it felt really great to finally put down and say what I felt about my spiritual life. I guess seeing how they faced their spiritual lives made me felt like doing so to.
Feeling the strength of prayer and God bonding all of us really makes me thank God for putting them in my life. I guess now the Student Camp Committee is no longer just a Committee that come together and part ways after 6 months, they have become my family. And I would love for them to stay. #throwbackthree
